POTS Stole My Energy and Everything That Made Me, Me

Alyson McNutt English is an award-winning, internationally published freelance writer who holds a bachelor’s degree in journalism from Murray State University.

But it was like gravity had seeped into my limbs and cast a spell on my muscles. Everything felt heavy and I was so weak and tired. Like I’d run a marathon while having the flu. When I couldn’t muster the strength to put my kids’ clothes in the washing machine, my husband drove me back to the healthcare provider’s office. “I’m not getting better,” I said, letting the tears slide down my face. It took too much energy to wipe them away. But I was angry too. I was only 31 years old.

Weeks turned into years and nothing got better. Some days, my muscles were so exhausted, it was hard to breathe. I was depressed. All the strength I had went into provider appointments hoping to find something — anything — that could help me. But everyone said the same thing: You’re anxious, you’re depressed and you need to lose weight. I was on medication for anxiety and. I had lost weight, but my symptoms were the same. Also, it was next to impossible to exercise feeling like this.

I went to a rheumatologist a few days later, and I didn’t have lupus, but my inflammatory markers were off the charts.. I wanted to scream. For so long I’d been searching for an answer and this whole time, it was just a simple test away. Still, I was happy to get any information that could lead to me getting my life back. To get a POTS diagnosis, I had a tilt table test where I was literally strapped to a table and tilted upward.

I began mourning the old me right there in the office. I’d been holding on to hope that once I was diagnosed I could feel like myself again. In a strange way it was freeing to know that I could never return to my old life. I had no choice but to move forward and make changes that were best for me living with POTS.

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