WILL spousal violence ever go away? Two readers sent in their views recently. One is a married mother of three and the other is a bewildered husband who’s been physically and mentally abused by his wife. “My husband and I were together for nearly ten years,” wrote Ibi, “and he was a violent man who also used cannabis, aka Indian hemp! He would attack me, and the next morning would act shocked and disgusted, claiming he couldn’t remember the incident.
“I know deep down that my husband loves me and our children, but he loves cannabis more. At first I was terrified and didn’t think I’d cope on my own but thanks to friends and family who witnessed a bit of the violence, I’ve been able to pick up the pieces of my life. I’ve since retrained and have a better job. My husband lives with another woman but I feel nothing but relief at getting him off my back.
“So what got into her? There was a time I was in our bedroom watching TV when she barged inside. ‘I’m sick of your hiding in the bedroom watching football’, she roared. ‘But you always watch your favourite programmes in the sitting room’, I stammered, shaken. I tried to talk to her in her sober moments and it was then I learnt she’d been losing weight and feared she might have cancer. I took her to the doctors and thankfully, she didn’t have cancer only the onset of menopause.
“I immediately changed the locks in the house and told the night guard not to let her in. I also informed the men guarding the street gates she was no longer living with me – I didn’t want a situation where I would be stabbed to death in my own house! My family insisted I divorce her and since we had a traditional marriage, I took her to the customary court. I was sure she wouldn’t attend the hearing, but she was there, her hair well groomed and she was wearing a well tailored dress.
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