ЛУЧШЕ НЕТ ВЛАГАЛИЩА , ЧЕМ ОЧКО ТОВАРИЩА
Please and thank you!
Too much weed bro
The most taxing thing in most straight men's lives is trying to teach their gf/fiances/wives what their gf/fiances/wives fathers should have taught them all while growing up!
An article about me
An interview with Sean Murray
Now convinced The Onion is following me everywhere
If you didn’t start a podcast this year, you never will
Oof
Stop tweeting about me!
Sadly, 'productive' means something else at The Onion because TheOnionSucks.
Poor Michael Was he equating 'Productivity' with happiness and satisfaction in life? Therefore, catastrophes would help him reach his goals So sad, he needs a new outlook on what brings peace and self-worth, and for sure it is not productivity That's something like privatization
I used to like the Onion until I realized it leans Left. It’s less “deadly” than the flu. Ugh.
SarahLeeNY
He will have to masterbate his way out of this one.
Minor typo in that article: '.... and get a jumpstart on the novel he had always wanted write.' Should be 'to write'.
He looks like Dan Radcliffe, Robert Pattinson, and Ben Shapiro all rolled into one.
'Man has a neat trick that he wants to show you but you have to come over in your pajamas to see it.'
there is no reason for every word to be capitalized in this headline and it bothers me so much
Stop reading my thoughts!
Though Trump knew that the COVID was deadly, he understated the situation since he didn’t want to panic the public. If meteorologists tracked down that a tsunami would affect a region, could they drop the warning to take precautionary measures because it would cause panic?
Take me back to the quarantine times when people thought they'd learn 4 new languages, become professional bakers and get into shape all at the same time
Dear 🧅 you need to help us out by not writing about our actual lives!! We need levity not reality 🤷🏻♀️😭😭😭!!
My heart
hey shut up
Yet they won’t believe it
Some of us can dream
on point as always
Fake News! I’m not productive despite being psychologically strained.
Jesus, this sounds just like me!
Onion will never be as good as TheBabylonBee
if you're going to personally attack me, at least me next time
Sometimes you just need a gender reveal to light a fire within you
why does this look like rob pattinson
Sometimes man just needs some love :/
I feel like I needed this post, thank you.
Please stop fucking subtweeting me
Hahaha nailed it
ruthyoest Get out of my head you demons
That’s kinda wholesome towards my current routine so thank you onion,
Is that batemanjason?
This is me right now, started out great then I kept on getting more and more stress tacked on to me. Now people wonder why I'm sad or don't have the motivation to do anything.
Surreal
i don't go to sleep before 3 anymore. please send help
that’s what all the life coach DVDs tell us
A+. Esp the pic.
edgarwright HA, JOKES ON YOU,Ive beat two whole videogames in this lockdown, which is more than I usually beat in a whole year.
Oh look it's me and everyone else
is that ben shapiro
Being a lazy fk is harder.I should know.
Both genders can use a Pringle’s can to masterbate but neither can do it very well
Yes, just sit around and do nothing, just like they want you to.
I like the photo of the man in this story. His eyes have that tiny, ever-so-slight bloodshot look that reveals he is an alcoholic and most likely my next husband. 😍YAY!
angiecthomas 🙋🏾♀️
MattThorson You know, being called out by The Onion kinda makes me feel better.
limp_bizkit155 CAPITALISM, BABEH
The guy is cute, what's his name?
EwaSR yousufpsych
StephPanecasio
PRODUCTIVITY PRODUCTIVITY PRODUCTIVITY
Hey this is me and I don't like it.
neilhimself
neilhimself Why do you hate us so much? I ain't been called out like this since Beau Gallagher made me actually put my dukes up.
_jstrand D:
Onion, you're reporting actual news again.
I feel seen.
why does this look like Robert Pattinson
ConradPolloi most psychologically taxing situation of your life *so far*
BBW_BFF Feeling this today, champ
PatrickWeekes Why does the satire news outlet give more whole mood truths than most real people?
Unironically I am now more productive than ever.
oneunderscore__ Sometimes we just need a real friend around to help us through the mess.
It’s early to tell for sure, but women are faring much worse than men so far... hm who could have predicted this?
LaurakBuzz Love it 💗
This man looks like the result of Ben Shapiro and Jason Bateman having a love child
joshscherr Innit?
Super cool of you to call me out like this, thanks.
The Onion has distilled in a headline endless debate about using your time stuck at home.
mikeBithell Strangely enough that has been kind of true for me. Things were going great for me personally before all of this, so it gave me motivation to keep things going / do even better because I can't let this stop me for, what could be, years.
StreetLegalTony
As always, The Onion gets it right. 😂
Me getting out of bed.
this but not sarcastically
same with Area Woman
My pen and a blank sheet of paper look back up at me, tauntingly. I don't care.
mountboom
Haha haha.
Stings, bitterly you monsters.
Me, still in bed eating ice cream: HEY THAT'S ME