Do not promote violence
Dildos. Lots.
The solution to this problem is Werewolves. Just sayin.
Unironically the right way to solve the problem
ambivirgo
Singapore. Helsinki. Dubai. Taipei. Chubacabra. Yeti. Pol Pot.
Yo homie that's what we did.
TY_PESH maybe someday
location of Sun - u can't miss it.
SuperTwaddle Banger
the onion said:
The GOP Playbook
Read the book, The Ministry For The Future for more practical tips about what you can do to stop climate change!
Direct Action
AllenPepe “Let’s see what we can eff up!!!!”
'You do it.' 'Screw that! I wanna live my life and at least *try* to be happy. Not rot in jail... or worse! YOU do it.' 'No, you!' 'No, YOU!' And then that just repeats over and over, forever, until the entire planet is dead, with no one actually doing what needs to be done.
ignoring the whole damning the world to an indeterminate period of starvation and chaos until we replace oil, y'all get that if you kill an oil executive another just takes their place right?
This makes me smile in very fulfilling ways
Rip us
Where are the MAGA's when you need them?
lockwoodx3
Shhhhhh that's supposed to be a secret.
Count me in
D a m n
...
this, but unironically
NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE
'Get Ready Boys, This Time We're Really Going Over The Top'
I think theOnion is not only about satire and humour. Sometimes, it gives news from the future and|or the afterthoughts of mankind's inner subconscious.
Maybe they save their coins for moving through the piles ofhomeless they make swapping their numbers around. Muahaha.
Lol
If only!
Fucking stop talking and print them, then.
The report authors then hop into their 1-passenger Chevy Suburbans and drive to their mostly empty 4500 square-foot home, where they crank the A/C to a comfy 68 degrees.
I prefer to disembowel.
Global warming politics is an oil industry war against coal.. Al Gore is Big Oil Gore family trust holds roughly $500,000 worth of stock in Occidental Petroleum Corp.
well I WISH.
Additionally it is important to note that an ever increasing number of civilians are pretty handy with a drone.
direct action
Talking heads for reals.
*grabs a pen and paper*
No guillotines?
bahahahaha how do u guys not get in trouble for this
Thoughts and prayers
Lmao Jesus Christ
I would not want to be your lawyer on this one.
what you hitting at onion
'The governments of Vietnam, Bangladesh and Thailand today announced a new joint climate policy, with the production of tactical nuclear ICBMs, hypersonic missiles and limpet mines. The plan expects to eliminate 90% of planetary fossil fuel extraction within the next 48 hours.'
idiots, bithching about the only reason we're not all desperately poor
The only ethical consumption under capitalism is eating the rich
firescotch 🔥🔥🔥
DOXX EM ALL
link pls
So, it's that time already? Revolution O'clock?
CodyHochstenB climatecrime ExxonShell exxonmobil shell IntlCrimCourt
Trump Administration denies that oil executives exist.
donoteat1 I think this one would work
where's the report y'all link that shit
This should actually happen.
This but unironically
This but unironically.
NoblemanSam Finally, now something might actually get done!
Wish this was real...
theonion flying straight at the sun like a shitpost-mad Icarus
When you're right you're right
Make it so
Good to know
This isnt a joke, this is something that should happen
*Duke Nukem Voice* Bout damn time.
Eco-terrorists are salivating. 😄
'Look, we said 'eat the rich', not feed them'
Who would have thought they were so easy to get at, local pool boy exclaimed, as he poured a keg of cyanide into their pool.
Send lawyers guns and money the shit has hit the fan.
This is in bad taste. Well done.
Call Charles Bronson
I love what this page has become
This but unironically please
Be care, jack might consider this hate speech.
Vore the rich. 👨💼🍴🐲
Every since you folks unionized, The Onion has been 🔥 🔥 🔥
This is some spicy satire. 🔥
OPEC is only going to get stronger