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Jay Inslee Recalls Decision To Run For President After 5 Teens From Across Globe Pressed Enchanted Rings Together To Call Him Into Existence

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OLYMPIA, WA—Explaining to reporters how he had arrived at the difficult decision, 2020 Democratic presidential candidate Jay Inslee recalled Thursday choosing to enter the race after five teenagers from countries across the globe pressed their enchanted rings together to call him into existence. “The leadership in Washington has failed the American people, and that’s been clear to me from the moment I was summoned into being by a multinational group of youngsters holding aloft magical jewelry given to them by the spirit of Mother Earth,” said the 68-year-old governor, adding that he had expressed some initial skepticism about jumping into an already crowded primary field when colorful beams of energy representing the four elements and love had combined to bring him to life, but had made the leap after realizing none of his fellow Democrats were giving an appropriately full-throated defense of green policies. “Democratic voters have consistently indicated that fighting climate change is a top priority, and this issue hit especially close to home for someone like me who is the manifestation of five children’s godlike environmental powers. Please join me in helping to take pollution down to zero.” Inslee then reportedly transformed into a tornado and was racing towards D.C. to advocate for the robust public investments required to achieve zero-emission energy in electricity generation by 2035.

 

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JayInslee Just 1 more ring, and he can bring balance to all our lives... Somehow, that seems moronically familiar...

JayInslee To all the negative/haters out there.. 😊

JayInslee No, i think thats the story of MikeGravel

JayInslee

JayInslee Onion Shmonion jayinslee cease and desist! 🤢

JayInslee deepthroat ✌

JayInslee Sue them Jay!

This is exactly how BilldeBlasio decided to run!

JayInslee Ha!

JayInslee

JayInslee You joke, but that's literally what happened with MikeGravel

JayInslee I like how winded and long onion headlines are getting. They really are subverting good journalism!!!

JayInslee Raise your hand if you don't get it. 🖐️🙋‍♂️

JayInslee Investigative report that SteveHa42789777 should consume.

JayInslee meofcourseduh

JayInslee 💀

JayInslee Earth! Fire! Wind! Water! Harrrrt!

JayInslee The an-other white guy of the Special Presidential Olympics. With such events as Creative Naming, Catch Phrasing, Truth Altering, MegaNomics, Voter Alteration, and everyone favorite baby moistening.

JayInslee Yea for Jay!

tommatzzie JayInslee I'm a psychologist concerned that many people don't talk about climate change because they simply don’t know how to, so I wrote something about how to have a useful conversation about climate change. Here it is

JayInslee .NSlayton

JayInslee You are a badass.

JayInslee My President

JayInslee MikeGravel he’s stealing your thunder!

JayInslee I think you are on to something big, the green vote and the young vote should be yours- get a stylist like Tim Gunn and you are at the primaries!

JayInslee

JayInslee It's going to be hilarious if Inslee is elected President and the Onion writer who wrote this posts a tearful mea culpa over humanizing Inslee when he does something not sufficiently socialist.

JayInslee INSLEE 2020: THE POWER IS YOURS

JayInslee Funny! The same thing happened to me. But they just wanted me to buy them beer and nachos. When I refused they banished me to the deepest pit in hell - which oddly enough was where I already was so....

JayInslee Captain planet! He's a Hero! Gonna take pollution down to zero!

JayInslee The writer of this has clearly waited for years to get a Captain Planet joke of some kind into the Onion.

JayInslee This is the absolute dumbest Onion headline ever. Who the fuck is writing this shit? Terrible. The Onion was once a mighty titan of satire. Now it's junk. Fuck!!!

JayInslee Ha.

JayInslee

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Inslee goes all in as the “climate change candidate”Democratic Governor Jay Inslee of Washington is going all in as the 2020 presidential candidate for climate change. He sits down with MSNBC’s David Gura in Iowa. He's wasting his time and our Tax $$$. he's barely registering in the polls. seems more like a vanity project.
Source: MSNBC - 🏆 469. / 51 Read more »

Inslee Releases $9 Trillion Climate PlanJay Inslee, the governor of Washington and a 2020 Democratic presidential candidate, rolled out the second plank of his climate change plan, pledging to achieve carbon neutrality by 2045 and add 8 million jobs to the U.S. economy. What do you think? ого идите нахуй, мнне глубого наплевать Lmfao😂 This seems real - not Onion-worthy satire ..
Source: TheOnion - 🏆 724. / 51 Read more »

Jay Inslee wants to be the climate change president. His record shows what a tough sell that issue could be.The Democratic governor’s environmental initiatives have had a cold reception, even in his blue state. Who? If someone says they care about climate change but won’t consider nuclear power as a way to generate low-carbon energy, they’re not serious about climate change. Last time I checked...climate changes. This is inevitable.
Source: washingtonpost - 🏆 95. / 72 Read more »