Goose Does Pretty Decent Job Shitting All Over High School Track

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ARDMORE, PA—Reflecting on the pride it takes in its craft, a local Canada goose confirmed Thursday that it had done a pretty decent job shitting all over the outdoor track at nearby Lower Merion High School. “I got up around 6 a.m. this morning and after an hour had managed to scatter my feces pretty evenly over the entire oval,” said the waterfowl, who after reportedly squeezing out dozens of tube-like turds over the 400-meter track then made quick work of the adjacent soccer field. “I was nervous because by the end I was starting to run low, but then some of my buddies came by and we completely blanketed the long-jump area in our excrement. I’ll tell you, it was a solid day’s work.” The goose added that after shitting its brains out for an entire morning, it barely had enough energy to aggressively honk at the track team throughout their two-hour practice.

 

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“and pretty good time too. nice job...”

misunderstoose was this you

AND MY NEW CAR! Only 56 miles on it! 56 ! I’m so pissed! Thank god elephants don’t fly!

Reminds me of a Cal/Stanford game when a flock of gulls hovered over the Stanford cheering section, obviously doing what gulls do.

What's good for the goose...

And my car!

Hey! That’s Kobe’s school.

This story hits the mark

Good thing no one's at school.

that goose needs an oscar a grammy a golden globe and a nobel prize

, the distraction we need...

dont talk bad about Jerry like that c'mon

Finally some good fucking news

He will NEVER make State w 'pretty decent job'.

SJAM football field

Greetings from Canada!

Cackle

Follow up story: 'High School Students in PA open fire with shotguns against goose with the shits- video at 11'

Fucking knew it 😒 jpmetz

If he wasn’t Canadian, Trump would award this goose the Medal of Freedom.

Canadians 😠

Fetish runners improve lapping time.

Fake News.

Coordinated attack by the opposing high school’s goose mascot

Thank you for your fine reporting, The Onion.

emidul bkkcRD 🤣🤣🤣

And then they go about devouring the souls of the humans below. Canadian Geese are nasty motherfuckers.

Thank them for their service

A challenge met with broken ankles

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