Energy Industry News

Jay Inslee Smashes Through Wall Of Town Hall In Solar-Powered Mech Suit To Announce Climate Change Plan

  • 📰 TheOnion
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 1 sec. here
  • 2 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 4%
  • Publisher: 51%

Energy Energy Headlines News

Energy Energy Latest News,Energy Energy Headlines

WASHINGTON—Unveiling sweeping policy positions that would transform the nation’s electric grid and combat emissions, Democratic presidential candidate Jay Inslee smashed through the wall of a town hall Wednesday in a solar-powered mech suit to announce his climate change plan. “Starting today, I am dedicating myself to a comprehensive three-part plan designed to head off a climate catastrophe using renewable energy sources, which, as you can see, provide more than enough power for daily needs,” said Governor Inslee from the cockpit of his bipedal, carbon-neutral exoskeleton, touting the potential of clean energy to screaming, debris-covered audience members while extending one of his solar panel-covered hydraulic arms to lift the town hall’s moderator above his head and crush his skull into dust. “We will invest in every power source from wind to biofuels. Even nuclear power will be necessary for some purposes, as you’ll see from the fusion-powered lasers issuing from this suit. But know this: We will not let the next generation down!” At press time, Inslee was spotted blasting a Baltimore coal plant with his hydrogen-based shoulder cannon while discussing the need to transition America to a clean fuel economy.

 

Thank you for your comment. Your comment will be published after being reviewed.
Please try again later.

This would actually be a good idea

JayInslee Cow farts. Do something about bovine flatulence Super Jay!! 🐄💨🐄💨

JayInslee Useless crouton

JayInslee

SounderBruce Somehow I expected it to be more intimidating.

gabrielenguard Dammit why does this have to be sattire?

gabrielenguard

He would 100% have my vote if he did that

nperlyperl

He might have even had a valid point had it not been for the extension cord attached to the coal power plant compensating for the monstrous amount of electricity need to power the suit after the solar panel battery emptied lighting up the control cabin.

...but STILL can't crack 1%!

Metal Wolf Inslee

That's our govenor

INSLEE SMASH!

Took him long enough

the onion has launched Jay to 2%

You guys have to get a bit wild to avoid being prophetic huh?

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

 /  🏆 724. in ENERGY

Energy Energy Latest News, Energy Energy Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

School kids have the power to change conservative minds about climate change, study showsResearchers found that teaching children about climate change in school significantly increased their parents’ concern over the issue. Notably, the effect was strongest among conservative parents. yes, Stalin and Hitler both found that propaganda could fool the people by indoctrinating children. Aborted babies could probably tell would-be parents a thing or two also, but their voices were silenced. What a fraud
Source: latimes - 🏆 11. / 82 Read more »

Analysis | Power Up: Pompeo leaves Arctic countries out in cold on climate changeAnalysis: Pompeo leaves Arctic countries out in cold on climate change What climate change? It sure is cold in the artic as stupid as his boss...
Source: washingtonpost - 🏆 95. / 72 Read more »

Ancient climate change in south america caused populations to plummet as people couldn't adapt'Unpredictable levels of rainfall, particularly in the tropics, appear to have had a negative impact on pre-Columbian populations until 6,000 years ago,' an archaeologist who worked on the study explained. They should have used their SUV’s to move.... Wait, wait, wait....I've been told that I am personally causing climate change because capitalism. If only they had AOC’s green new deal to save them. So sad.
Source: Newsweek - 🏆 468. / 52 Read more »

Climate change has increased risk of devastating banana disease Black Sigatoka by nearly 50 percent“The disease was imported to Honduras in 1972 from Asia, and is now present across Latin America and the Caribbean,' Daniel Bebber told Newsweek. food & drug administration .giving a fair warning ,mind conditioning ,foreplay for their next molestation/ abuse of humans ,,who drink the kool=aid
Source: Newsweek - 🏆 468. / 52 Read more »

U.S. sinks Arctic accord due to climate change differences: diplomatsThe United States has refused to sign an agreement on challenges in the Arctic d... FatLazyStupidPompeo There is only Climate Change. There are no 'Climate Change Differences'. This is reality, these are facts. The US may think it's above facts - it is not. 😡😡 u are joking
Source: Reuters - 🏆 2. / 97 Read more »