“As glacial ice melts and coastlines move inward, the increased proximity of beaches will bring with it more pressure to look good in swimwear, which creates yet another reason for people to feel anxious about climate change,” said EPA administrator Michael Regan, acknowledging the psychological stress posed by a catastrophic situation in which more and more Americans would be surrounded by waves and sun and left with no choice but to wear swim trunks or bikinis on a regular basis.
“Unfortunately, rising temperatures will only compound the problem, because in the decades ahead, every season will be swimsuit season—and eventually, it will be so hot you’ll have to peel off the oversized T-shirt you use to conceal your torso. We can only recommend that the most self-conscious Americans move as far as possible inland and to higher elevations.
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