Jeremy Clarkson on his farm: ‘It’s difficult to know where contrary starts and ends, really.’ Photograph: Harry Borden/The Guardian
This is just me being me, for once. I don’t have to think, ‘Right, I’m going to say something stupidly provocative now’. Back then, on a spring morning like this one, he’d been sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool in Barbados with a head-crushing hangover and an oxygen tank, wondering what to do with his life. “My luck stopped suddenly,” he said then.
about the Duchess of Sussex? “You can try. You won’t get anywhere.” Clarkson said his hatred of Meghan operated on a “cellular level”, that he disliked her more than the serial killer Rose West and fantasised of a day “when she is made to parade naked through the streets of every town in Britain while the crowds chant ‘Shame!’ and throw lumps of excrement at her”.
In the kitchen he insists I try their water because it tastes delicious. He recently had a glass of tap water in London and mouth-sprayed it across the room in disgust; London is a place he rarely visits. Now, his life has contracted to this small corner of the Cotswolds. He’s been here on and off nearly 30 years . Judging by the bored “Mornings” from locals, they’ve just about come to terms with him. Diddly Squat is the 1,000 acre working farm he bought in 2008.
I thought, ‘Who do I know? Boris has gone. Cameron’s gone. Gove!’” Clarkson says it was “flattering” that Gove agreed to a meeting and he was expecting a quick coffee in Whitehall, but, “bugger me, he’d got half the government in there. Kemi Badenoch and countless others. It seems to have done the trick, though. Exactly what I said to him now seems to be becoming reality.
In time? He pouts. “Don’t know. It’s happening really fast. That’s what always surprises me. In the last five years, I’ve noticed a dramatic change here – ”He breaks off and smirks. “I’m like a Guardian reader’s wet dream, aren’t I?” Then continues, “It hasn’t snowed for five years. We probably get a minute of sleet. We used to get snowed in every year.” Does he still hate Greta Thunberg? “Well, I’m not going to be lectured by someone who’s never been to school.
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