Following three steps—ask, listen, ask again—fosters empathy.I deeply believe that most people have good intentions, want to be helpful, and are doing their very best. And, from time to time, we all fall short of our best selves. A sage work colleague and dear friend, Bill, once asked me a profound question that I believe can help all of us be better. This one question not only drives better outcomes but is a micro-shift that can save time, energy, and potential relationships.
It stopped me dead in my tracks . I reflected for a moment and realized that what I really wanted was help thinking about this situation from a different perspective. The secondary benefit of asking is that it interrupts our patterning and theirs. It engages everyone to pause, to think, and to consider: What matters most to me in this moment?Full-bodied listening slows us down to be fully present to them. It gives us space to understand what they want and where they are and to hear how they want to navigate the situation at hand.Understanding what we need isn’t always simple, and it can change.
Engage before activating. Notice where helping or offering a solution to someone's problem makes you feel good. But sometimes, what others truly need is to be heard, to have their feelings acknowledged without judgment.