Report: Those Sensors That Flush Public Toilets Were Also Cameras This Whole Time

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NEW YORK—A report published Monday by researchers at the Journal Of Public Health Management And Practice revealed those sensors that flush public toilets were also cameras this whole time. “After decades of relying on the devices for automated flushing, it appears those red blinking sensors in toilet stalls have also been filming each and every one of their users as they relieved themselves,” read the report in part, which added that the sensors use their camera functionality to record around-the-clock footage of bowel movements and urinations before transmitting the video to the 2.5 million people employed to monitor these feeds. “These are state-of-the-art cameras, as well. So although they’re only recording you from behind, their little electric eyes can see everything. They can even zoom in for incredibly detailed close-ups.” The report also described how the high-definition microphones hidden in the manual override buttons also pick up a constant audio feed that is immediately transmitted along when pressed.

Journal Of Public Health Management And Practice

revealed those sensors that flush public toilets were also cameras this whole time. “After decades of relying on the devices for automated flushing, it appears those red blinking sensors in toilet stalls have also been filming each and every one of their users as they relieved themselves,” read the report in part, which added that the sensors use their camera functionality to record around-the-clock footage of bowel movements and urinations before transmitting the video to the 2.

 

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This is why it’s always best to smile while defacating.

That's how the Feds conducted their FISA warrants according to the G.O.P

Unless they have like a 15x zoom function I'm not worried

They deserve what they saw

Sometimes theOnion hits a point so well, it shakes the very foundations of reality.

Where are the pictures?

Wtf😂

I thought this page only posted satire

Hahahahahahaja

I know, didn't mind.

But which is scarier, that the sensors are cameras? or that they are microphones too? Think about it ....

They take 10-15 pictures per session.

I hope so - otherwise I've been wasting my time..

Still waiting on that royalty check...

My most irrational fear confirmed

I heard they are equipped with smell-i-vision, what a crappy job someone has to monitor all those.

I almost believed this for a second and then saw it was by... honestly not disappointed

Sometimes they need to get a 100x magnification camera

BATHROOM TSA! 🙌🏻 Wonder how much it pays? I’d say it’s a good policy, gotta keep an eye on kids while they 💩 so predators don’t break n2 a stall, or attack from behind at a urinal. WHILE ON THE SUBJECT, anyone recall Urinal Troughs? Got to be at least 40 to remember those 😂👍🏻

The got my best side - enjoy boys!

Cool. Enjoy my deuces ✌️

Oh, the things I've seen.

Maybe big brother has realized ass recognition is more accurate than facial recognition.

Sad to say, it would not surprise me in the least!

Hope you don't mind that I squat, these cheeks ain't touching no public toilet

So...how do I rate?

Bruhhhhhh

Michael_WI Oh its illegal... enought cameras on the streets where ever we go ..tracked in our cell phones....a camera in the WC...wow whos enjoying watching ppls shit 😳

this is the kind of headline that insane people on Facebook will immediately believe and recirculate as “fact”

If you pee on them the camera will short out ProTip

You can’t just say something like that. I don’t care if your headlines are satire, but I’m afraid of public restrooms now. It’s not funny!

elizabeth_joh stuff splatters that's all I can say

JournoGeoffZ Won't do any good on me without a pretty fair zoom lens!

Missed opportunity, “Report: Those Sensors That Flush Public Toilets Were Also Cameras This Hole Time.”

My...school...installed...sensors...on...toilets...in...the...girls...bathroom.

DAMN YOU !!!!!!

Funny. But I'm also like, yeah, maybe true, I wouldn't be surprised. Plus, reality is way more fucked up, so...

😂😂

fluffyguy

ChrisImes5 'Flush the toilet, HAL.' 'I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.'

neilgoldstein

Quick! Recruit that group of sorority girls that tape their webcams on their laptops! They can fix this problem.

😂

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Penisylvania!

Brought to you by Wiki-leaks

Wait they didn’t?

Where's the lie?

It's very rude to stare while someone is eating!

Well serve yourself

Well get a good ole' look

No wonder the toilets at work didn’t flush unless there was a clear line of sight to my junk. I was at a point where I’d say “fine then” and give it a flash.

Bringing on a whole wave of worry...

A lot of Republican politicians are going to receive blackmail letters soon!

Enjoy the view, folks

The FBI has installed them in the White House.

Of course what did you think SLOAN stood for: Slowly Lookin Ominously At Nuts

True

Now this scares me that you might’ve jumped the shark and now YOU guys are reporting actual news.

Will they do 10 or 15 to get rid of a deuce?

😬 feels a little close to being true

I hope the government finds good uses for photos of my taint.

Where else would dick-pics come from?

That's alright. They didn't see anything big.

I knew it.

As long as there is no zoom feature I should be good.

Then they got great footage of me on my phone taking shits

Just as I’d hoped

I imagine someone, at some point, has accidentally peed on one.

If I see a story in the Onion and I yell 'FAKE NEWS!' does that mean it's a true story?

Making sure we flush 10 to 15 times.

knew it, got mad poses on file now that should overshadow the other thing

I KNEW IT

they don't automatically detect anything some guy watching just flushes the toilet for you when he assumes you are done

Wbk

I KNEW IT!!!!,

The government needs to know everything huh

Probably

we been knew that's why we poop squatting tall

I KNEW IT

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